WHO HAS THE EPSTEIN FILES?

Why, Vladamir Putin, of course.

Although our demented, feckless president is hands down the worst head of government, head of state, and commander in chief in U.S. history, it’s easy to assume that our checkers-class leader would blunder miserably at the three-dimensional chess game known as geopolitics. However, I’m no longer convinced that it’s all because he’s simply an ignorant, uncouth, grifting sociopath – although, admittedly, that does go a long way. But I have to believe that not even he could be as awful as he is unless he’s also under some kind of existential duress. I think I know why: Putin’s got the Epstein files!

How did he get them? Well, Pam Bondi and Todd Blanche, not being total idiots, can read the handwriting on the White House walls (right next to the ketchup stains). When Trump’s gone, which could come any minute, they’ll be toast. Trump’s going to throw them under the bus. They’ll never be invited to Mar-A-Lago. An overwhelmingly disapproving America will ostracize them to the point they won’t be able to get reservations at Taco Bell. If there is a God, they will be disbarred, and possibly prosecuted without a pardon in their hip pockets. They might even fail their auditions to become members of the Fox News team. Accordingly, they elected to take the sure route to membership in the billionaire class. They sold the Epstein files to Putin.

Why did Putin pay such huge sums of money for the Epstein files? It’s Putin’s dream and goal to weaken the West and spread Russian dominance throughout the world, and the biggest obstacle in his path is us. He needed a sock puppet in the White House, and he found one. In 2016, he helped Trump get elected, but Trump didn’t prove useful enough. When he got re-elected, Putin secretly made the deal with Pam and Todd for the Epstein files.

Now Putin has the lever he needs to divide, destabilize, and degrade the United States.

Now Putin has the lever he needs to divide, destabilize, and degrade the United States. He has his hands up Trump’s . . . socks.

Preposterous, you say? Why is Trump consistently weakening our traditional alliances while schmoozing with tyrants? Why is he trying to throw the economy into disarray with rising inflation and crippling national debt? Why is he making most of America poorer while making his FROA buddies (Future Russian Oligarchs of America) richer? Why is he dividing our people into bitterly opposing camps? Why is he ruining our once unmatched reputation in the world? Putin’s got photos. Why would he tell the world he believes Putin over his own intelligence people? Putin’s got videos. Why would Trump bash NATO, withdraw aid from Ukraine, and urge Zelensky to give Putin what he wants? Putin’s got financial records. Why would Trump enrich Russia by lifting sanctions while Putin gives intelligence to Iran that’s helping to kill Americans? Putin’s gotta have all the goods.

Imagine what decent Americans could do if they had the Epstein files. It’s easy if you try.